In a stunning turn of events, Express Scripts announced today a proposed total overhaul of their previously predatory reimbursement schemes designed to eliminate retail pharmacy in favor of mail order delivery of prescription drugs across the United States,
According to an industry spokesperson close to the Express Scripts Board of Directors, CEO "Darth" Paz had been visited the night before by three spirits. He reportedly woke up screaming "Has Obamacare been upheld!", an apparent reference to the case on the Affordable Health Care Act being reviewed by the US Supreme Court. After determining he wasn't too late, he immediately called for a meeting of the Board of Directors, the spokesperson reported. At that meeting Paz described being visited by the Ghost of Pharmacy Past, Pharmacy Present and Pharmacy Future, describing all three visits in detail. "I fear the Ghost of Pharmacy Future the most!" he was heard to say.
According to Paz, the Ghost of Pharmacy Future, showed him a world where all third party prescription business was carried out by so called "Obamabots", strange robotic creatures that oversaw the misery of prescription takers all across the country and in which, apparently, 90 day supplies of drugs arrived on peoples doorsteps almost daily. These drugs were never ordered by the recipients and in most cases were never ordered by a physician, but the recipients credit card was always charged.
The worst part according to Paz was that there were no humans at Express Scripts, only robots and that even his position was filled by a "ghastly looking thing" that was surrounded by big flatsceens displaying up to the second profit margins, market share and numbers of packages delivered.
Paz announced to the Board a plan to reimburse pharmacists at a fair and equitable level, one that recognized the value pharmacists add to the members of Express Scripts above and beyond the discounted price of the drug. He vowed to reimburse pharmacists fairly for cognitive services as well. Paz also announced he would be dismantling all mail order operations in favor of face to face patient care between a patient and a pharmacist that would be "truly valuable to our members, insuring optimum patient outcomes as well as improved monitoring of drug utilization. The positive impact that the pharmacist has on the overall cost of care cannot be underestimated and needs to be compensated appropriately. My goal is to make that happen".
At the end of the nearly 45 minute diatribe, Paz was led out of the Boardroom by two attendants and immediately rushed off the scene.
When a staff member who had witnessed the meeting asked a leading member of the Express Scripts Board of Directors when these changes would occur, he replied "shortly after Hell freezes over" according to the unnamed spokesperson.